it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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