Umm I'm too high to move.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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