the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
