haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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