if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
