I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
