forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
