I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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