I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
