I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
