their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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