I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
