So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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