The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
