I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
