You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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