Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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