I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
