Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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