I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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