I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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