Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
