dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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