Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
