You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
