i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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