She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
