I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize