Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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