remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
