no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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