so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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