aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I did not marry a roomba.
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