whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
