i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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