This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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