I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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