I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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