ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
