pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We don't watch enough power rangers
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
