NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
