i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
handjob tips. give me some.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
