Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
