hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Screwed.edu
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
