Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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