so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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