i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
