Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
