I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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