So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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