I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
