kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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