I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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