Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Everything about him screamed your future.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
