he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
