Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
