Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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