the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
