What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
