I puked a lego.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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