And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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