I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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