Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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