im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
