Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
