Welp...herpes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
