He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
