Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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