I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
P.S. I can't hear my feet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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