Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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