do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
