dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize