im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
