He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
