in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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