she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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