We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
