shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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